we're chasing vodka with high fives
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
