i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
