I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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