so that wasnt chicken after all
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Randomize
