I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
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