Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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