when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
