Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
