There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
