You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
