How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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