I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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