I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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