He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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