Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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