I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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