hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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