he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
