I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
