a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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