It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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