tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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