He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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