ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
