Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
