I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
