Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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