Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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