Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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