In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
