My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
