Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
false alarm, still single
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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