she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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