the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
