I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
