She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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