I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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