turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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