It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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