The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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