Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Be still, my beating vagina.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
