I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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