Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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