He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
