Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
