Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
