My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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