every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
