Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
