We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
