In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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