you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
