And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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