just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Well I just put wine in my tea
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
