We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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