i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
