Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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