Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
