I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
