No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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