In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
