UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
