even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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