escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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