It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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