do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
