Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
